Feminine, not “Feminist.” Traditional, Not “Trad.”
Women in Politics Can Have Their Cake and Eat It Too.
by sarah selip
A friend recently attended a seminar where the welcome panel spent a few moments addressing the women in the room about how to succeed in a career on Capitol Hill. It went like this: “Ladies, if you want to work on the Hill, you need to get married first because otherwise, how are you supposed to support yourself? You need a husband.” That unnerving comment set the tone for her for the rest of the day.
It rubbed me the wrong way. First and foremost, I wholly reject the idea that a husband should be a utility for career advancement. That’s not why you get married or why you should get married. Abusing the sanctity of Marriage by turning it into a networking utility is deeply insulting. Sure, some pragmatic individuals see relationships as transactional. To most, that’s a fringe benefit and in no way should be how a woman creates a career in This Town.
To be fair to the panel, Washington, DC, is one of the most expensive cities in the country. According to a recent survey, DC’s cost of living is 53% higher than the national average. Working on Capitol Hill means sacrifice. People manage. They find ways to make it work. They freelance, get second jobs, and get roommates. They scale back living expenses. It’s not fun, but it’s how it operates.
But what frustrated me most about the panel is that it disregarded the most important point. Women who work on Capitol Hill don’t do it for the “big bucks” or a “cushy lifestyle.” They do it because they want to fight for what they believe in. They sacrifice financial comfort because they want to make a difference. That’s the reason you tough it out in This Town. They want to advance conservative values and create policies that work for all Americans. If you want money, go to K Street or New York. If you want to be famous, go to Hollywood.
Sure, most women want to get married and have children, but on their own terms when they find the right person. If you’re on the opposite side of that spectrum, and I can’t stress this enough, you shouldn’t feel pressured to settle down for success. Men and women alike move on their own timelines for one reason or another.
So many women find themselves pressured by both sides of the political spectrum. If we’re liberal, we’re expected to be independent feminists who never marry. After all, Marriage is an evil, oppressive conservative ideology. But if we’re conservative, we’re told just as often that true conservative women should marry young and put their ambitions aside. That we must be a “trad-wife.”
It shouldn’t be black or white. Being a feminist doesn’t mean you can’t be feminine any more than believing in traditional values, and Marriage means you have to be a “trad-wife.”
Women in This Town can have their cake and eat it too. But only when they’re ready.
